Procrastination
I have adhd, anxiety , (recovering-alcoholism /anorexia ) all the A's.
The fierce best friend of the above is procrastination - It's maddening but now I know why: The adjunct to my anxiety and major depression - (before I got help) was manic production & obsession.
It kept me skinny, focused, ambitious and in return I thought I was "loved and accepted."
The antidote to being manic and obsessed is:
Antidepressants, therapy and group therapy.
The latter allows us to be in the moment/content/serene which Is the absolute antithesis of obsession & manic behaviors.
And equally seen by society as lazy, complacent and now because of social media’s
”share if you care” - "complicit" in _____, you name it.
I can't take adhd medicine because it makes fuels the fire for appetite suppression and conflicts with my depression and anxiety.
I have to manage my adhd - through willpower, humor and faith but the faith part is really difficult.
Why would God care about my insanely overactive adhd and imagination when there is so much violence and tragedy in the world?
My brain is a highly spirited baby and she wants what she wants when she wants it. She’s a Kardashian in Prada.
I get laser focused on something, I want to accomplish and my strong brain has a Prada tantrum and interrupts with an pervasive inner-monologue screamy -thought like GO DO SOMETHING ELSE that is COMPLETELY UNRELATED AND LEAVE THIS PRODUCTIVITY IN A HEAPING PILE OF GOO.
OR - I get interrupted by "life" & I get upset and bitchy. Then I feel bad. It's easier to do "procrastinatey" -things because it keeps me from lashing out at myself and others - and this is a perplexing cycle. I don’t mind getting interrupted if I am watching TV or on my new rabbit hole of laser focus….Reddit.
I don't need advice or answers. (Why I don't post this In my irl page on FB bc people think my humor And think pieces are cause for course correction and add me to groups and suggest books and self help influencers I should follow - which is the LAST thing I need. )
This is for anyone like me who has a brain on fire with inner monologue that can be so loud sometimes , it brings us to places of JOY and also places of DESPERATION.
Just
Keep
Going.
